Monday, January 25, 2010

Maybe you're the one for me

Frankly I've had it with guys. They're all such dumbasses. Though now I'm not referring to boyfriend. Excuse me, ex-boyfriend. It's over now for 3 weeks. So that's pretty fresh. Another reason why January sucks, yay! Oh, I'm sorry for my pessimistic mood. I've just had horrible dream last night. There was this guy, I couldn't see his face, though I thought he was cute. I liked him and he liked me back. And we sat on the same school and after school I went home. I was at home for about 10 minutes when someone rang the bell. It was him. He followed me, because he wanted to be with me. And I remember that I thought that it was so sweet. He stayed at my place and we watched films. And then I woke up.

Though this dream doesn't sound horrible, the feeling it's giving me now is horrible. It makes me realize how many mistakes I made with boys. 2 times my heart was really broken. The first time when I was 14 and the second time when I was 16. In the meantime there were other boys, but not that special to me. When I was 14 I got my first kiss from the guy that broke my heart. I thought he would be my first actual boyfriend. A few weeks after that first kiss he got an other girlfriend and now I'm wondering, was my heart broken because I really was in love, or because the idea from 'first boyfriend' was gone? Now I'm thinking about it and I'm almost sure it's because the boyfriend idea was gone. I hated, pure hate, his girlfriend because she stole that from me. And I thought she was slutty. I must admit that I still think she is, haha. Oooh, bad karma!

The second heartbreak was more painful. I was 15 in the beginning of everything. He was 18. I was in my exam year of high school (he also) and in every break, I walked through the school. You could walk through the school (main floor) and be back at the place where you started in about 3 minutes. I did that because I knew where he sat in the breaks. I wanted him to see me. And he did saw me. He added me on msn and I couldn't believe it! How could a guy like him, like me?! We had long conversations on msn, but in real life I was too shy to talk to him. After a few weeks I met him, I got a boyfriend (it's something that also happened, but that would make the story too long). I've had a boyfriend for about 2 months, when I broke up with him. I didn't liked him that much like the other guy. I was ignoring my feelings for him. Something I couldn't do any longer. I told him the story and after a few days (I believe) we wanted to see each other (all the exams were done, so we didn't saw each other at school anymore), so he came to my house. That was the day we kissed for the first time. After that first time we saw each other another couple of times, but never longer than 2 hours. Everytime when I tried to arrange something with him, he cancelled at the last moment. I hated him so much for that. I was so mad. After a few months I found out he had a girlfriend. First I was noxious, then mad, then happy (odd enough) and then I was sad. So, so, so sad. I couldn't stop crying that day.
I was feeling hurt about it for about a year I think... After that the hurting was gone and I was mad. I also found out he only wanted me for the sex. Now I'm not mad at him anymore. I think it's a pathetic figure, because he wanted a 15 year old for sex. Maybe it's stupid that I didn't saw that, but something cliché is true. Love does make you blind.

I'm sorry for this whole story, but I needed to write this off. When I started this, I was feeling mad. Now I'm okay again! But I found something out. After those painful heartbreaks, I learned something. You shouldn't walk after a guy. He should walk after you. Something I didn't do at first. A mistake I probably will make again in the future. But I need to keep an eye on myself, because if a guy wants me, he has to go for me. Because if he doesn't, I'll just think I'm not the girl for him. Though I don't really want to think to have a new boyfriend... Not now.

It was my intention to make new photo's today, but my cold got back. I feel pretty bad. So I'm afraid you'll have to do it with an old outfit. Well, old... More from December. Not one of my favorite outfits. And there are no detail shots this time, sorry!
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Vintage band jacket, dress and bow
Pieces scarf
Birdcage necklace from
Givenchy ankleboots


kwinst said...

Ik dacht al dat er zoiets was, je titels enzo!
Hopelijk voel je je gauw weer beter!

Het jasje vind ik erg leuk!

Imelda said...

Oh dat is zo erg om te horen, ik hoop dat je er snel bovenop bent!
Op zo'n momenten kan je dit moeilijk geloven, maar het komt allemaal wel in orde hoor. en ik spreek ook uit ervaring ;)

Leuke outfit, zoals altijd!

Dodo said...

Jah het is echt te koud buiten! Heb het ook nog even overwogen maar geen zin om nog een keer ziek te worden.
Ben stiekem een beetje jaloers op je vogel kooi ketting (herinner me een andere foto ervan). Doet me denken aan Camden Market in Londen waar ze ook allemaal mooie vintage kettingen hebben :]

En jammer te horen dat t uit is! :hugs

Joanne said...

Ik dacht het ook al aan de foto's te zien. Maar je lijkt me een super toffe meid, met een leuke stijl en een mooi koppie. En ik weet zeker dat er op een dag een jongen komt die alle jongensfouten weer goed gaat maken. :D

Iig sterkte met alles. :)

Anonymous said...

One day a guy will come along, and he will make you see, he will make you realize that not every lad you meet is a twat.
He will make you feel special, he will show you that you are all that goes around in his mind.
That he will walk through fire, cross every barrier just for you.

Love is a beautiful thing once it's in your grasp.
And once you have it, don't let it go.


kelsea said...

you are too cute! love the blazer <3

jennifer Jacobs said...

Een goede jongen in deze tijd is echt moeilijk te vinden. Of ze willen alleen maar seks, of zijn aan drugs, liegen, of gaan vreemd. Volgensmij bestaan er bijna geen normale jongens meer. Maar ik weet zeker dat je wel ooit een jongen vind die hart niet breekt!

Bah mijn verkoudheid is ook terug, echt irritant. Maar je outfit is wel weer leuk, vooral dat jasje. (Suz) said...

wat erg voor je dat het uit is! prima dat je dit gewoon opschijft, daar mag een blog ook voor zijn. leef met je mee, heb ook heel wat tranen gelaten om mijn ex-vriend

Marmelindela said...

Wat kut dat het uit is, maar een goede instelling zo te zien. Ach weet je, elke keer wanneer het mis liep met mij en een jongen (dat is ook best vaak gebeurd hoor) dacht ik "getver ik word nooit meer verliefd". Het is vooral erg als je hartje echt gebroken word, dan denk je soms dat het nooit meer lukt om nog verliefd te worden op iemand anders en als je dan hoort dat hij een ander meisje heeft gevonden kan het net zijn alsof je verdrinkt. Maar dan komt er weer zo'n mooie jongen die lief naar je lacht, mooie schoenen draagt en naar precies dezelfde muziek luistert als jij... Dan worden je benen vanzelf weer pudding en kun je een idiote glimlach niet bedwingen als je aan hem denkt... Het komt altijd weer goed, liefde is zo vreemd en het kan zoveel pijn doen maar het is vooral geweldig. En hey, ik ken je niet maar je komt over als een lieve meid, dus die jongen die komt wel.

En wederom zie je er weer leuk uit. Vooral je jasje is echt prachtig!

Mo said...

damn i don't knwo if it's my internet but i cant see your pics :(

anyway im really sorry you feel bla and even if it's easy to say, one day, you'll feel all this was worth it cause you'll find someone who deserve you and who is aware of how special you are !

Unknown said...

Balen dat het uit is meid.. Maar dat verhaal over die jongen die een vriendin bleek te hebbne gaat over een ander toch, want daar was je 15 en nu wel een stuk ouder toch? Wel echt nare ervaringen, wat vervelent. Maarja je leert er echt van! Ik heb ook nog is wat meegemaakt, mijn EERSTE liefde, tot over mijn oren gewoon, van mijn 14e-bijna 16 wat mee gehad, en hij bleek homo.. Zucht haha. Achteraf gezien vielen alle puzzelstukjes op zijn plaats, alles kwam ook altijd van mijn kant eigenlijk.
Ik vind je outfit trouwens wel mooi!

Une étincelle de mode said...

Love the jacket and the bow!

Call A Spade, A Spade! said...

First let me say, your outfit is stunning again!!! You always come up with the BEST outfits!

As far as guys, not all of them are complete jerks. Sometimes they don't mean to be jerks, they just end up that way.

Don't be in a big hurry. The right guy is out there somewhere! I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming that they have to have a partner to be complete. Don't get me wrong, when you find the right one, ohhhh fireworks, but too many people are in a big hurry to jump into bed just cause some guy looks great and talks nice. Don't rush! Hold out for the right one! You are TOO special a person and TOO Beautiful a woman to rush into something!

Also, thank you for sharing some very deep and intimate thoughts with us. I know I feel special knowing that you thought enough of us bloggers to share your feelings. I for one know that many times it is just soooo needed to just say stuff in order to feel better. Again THANK YOU!
Signed...Another Sam

Kellie said...

I'm sorry about all your boy troubles. :( I can definitely relate. They're such a pain in the ass, aren't they? :( You're lovely, though, and you deserve someone special. :) Hang in there, darling!

Gracie said...

Oh wow. You look lovely. xx

Ruxandra said...

I am sorry for your sadness right now, but, you know, one day, everything will be fine.I read your "history" with boys, and i am sure you will find the right one.We all should, right?Lovely outfit.Take care...

Striped Shirts said...

I absolutely love your outfit!!and im really liking that scarf!!

Stéphanie said...

Vervelend dat je zo verdrietig bent. En dan ook nog eens verkouden! Het van je af schrijven lucht vaak wel op gelukkig :)

Kirs said...

Wat erg voor je dat het uit is. Ik hoop dat je snel weer over hem heen bent. Vergeet niet: Nobody is worth your tears, and the ones who are, will never make you cry. Beetje onwaar en cliché advies, maar ik hoop dat er wel wat in ziet. Succes, ga door met zijn zoals je bent =).

Kellie said...

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that i passed the Best Blog Award along to you over on my page, if you'd like to check it out. :)You're basically my all-time favorite blogger.

Anonymous said...

Great Blog...I just love how you incorporate romantic pieces into your daily wear! you have such an amazing personal style

The High Heel Times said...

Sorry to hear about your bad experiences with boys, but I can assure you that there are nice boys out there as well. You really deserve someone special!

Anonymous said...

Jammer dat je je zo rot voelt :( Hopelkijk gaat het gauw weer beter!
Je hart is gebroken, maar je stijl en kracht niet ;)

Cammila said...

Oh my dear, I know that love hurts, and boys suck. But I promise, there's also true love out there! Anyway, who needs boys when you have hot Givenchy boots? ;)

Stephanie said...

i love your outfit, so chic! Sorry to hear about the drama with you ex.

Posh said...

Wat erg dat het uit is met je vriend, ik kreeg het idee dat jullie echt 'maatjes' waren! Het is verschrikkijk om iemand te verliezen en als je het gevoel één keer hebt meegemaakt, ben je altijd bang om het weer te ervaren..

Sterkte, meid!

Iris said...

wat kut voor je dat het uit is, wat zijn jongens toch ook klootzakken soms.. :( er zijn nog maar weinig écht lieve jongens over die niet vreemdgaan en je alleen voor de sex gebruiken enz..